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Syndicate DisOrientated
OED adj. confused (someone) so that that they have lost their bearings.
n. Inept escapades of a dropout English journo trapped in the Far East. An eighteen-month evasion from reality.
31 May 2003
Departing Koh Tao was also something of an adventure. Rather than the luxury aircon tourist class boat I was naively expecting (I should know better than that by now), the night ferry turned out to be an old tub in which 30 people had to stuff themselves into a tiny cabin with a four-foot ceiling. This became doubly unpleasant when the wind picked up and the same thirty people ended up rolling around like ball bearings. Upon disembarking I took a minibus to Penang, Malaysia, from where I took an actual luxury aircon ferry to Medan, Sumatra.
Medan wasn't a great introduction to Indonesia though myself and a couple of other Westerners from the boat found a friendly rickshaw driver/guide with the unlikely moniker of 'Gunther'. The guesthouse, on the other hand, was across the road from Medan's largest mosque - all very well if you are a Moslem but not so great if you don't want to hear the muezzin's state of the art PA system at five in the morning.
Medan wasn't a great introduction to Indonesia though myself and a couple of other Westerners from the boat found a friendly rickshaw driver/guide with the unlikely moniker of 'Gunther'. The guesthouse, on the other hand, was across the road from Medan's largest mosque - all very well if you are a Moslem but not so great if you don't want to hear the muezzin's state of the art PA system at five in the morning.
27 May 2003
Unfortunately, the day after I woke up with a heavy cold, necessitating that I imbibe as much orange juice and paracetomol I could manage. This did the trick and the following afternoon I set out again, though by now the dive boat had packed up and we had to hitch a lift with another operator. On this occasion I got through the tests without problems, though while underwater the weather turned somewhat. Emerging from below into five-foot waves and torrential rain was unforgettable. I half expected to see a beautiful woman's face in the clouds or something. Again this storm was unfortunate since for the remaining days on the island the water was quite silty. I've seen clearer minestrone soup.
On subsequent dives, however, I was lucky enough to see many denizens of the tropical ocean including some blue and white stripy fish, some black and red stripy fish, some big yellow ones and lots of tiny ones. No whale sharks, dolphins or turtles. The highlight was seeing a ray about the size of a dinner plate. I also did my bit for environmental destruction by falling over backwards into some coral, annihilating in 5 seconds a life form that may have taken 5000 years to form. Felt quite ashamed. I did also eat as well as see barracuda though presumably not the same one.
The other dramas on Koh Tao involved many more futile attempts to pull girls. I won't go into it any further, though I did nearly get somewhere with posh Annika from Hampstead who lives on the same street as Madonna, Sporty spice, Baby spice and Pierce Brosnan. I also attended two 21st birthday parties with hilarious consequences ie. a hangover.
On subsequent dives, however, I was lucky enough to see many denizens of the tropical ocean including some blue and white stripy fish, some black and red stripy fish, some big yellow ones and lots of tiny ones. No whale sharks, dolphins or turtles. The highlight was seeing a ray about the size of a dinner plate. I also did my bit for environmental destruction by falling over backwards into some coral, annihilating in 5 seconds a life form that may have taken 5000 years to form. Felt quite ashamed. I did also eat as well as see barracuda though presumably not the same one.
The other dramas on Koh Tao involved many more futile attempts to pull girls. I won't go into it any further, though I did nearly get somewhere with posh Annika from Hampstead who lives on the same street as Madonna, Sporty spice, Baby spice and Pierce Brosnan. I also attended two 21st birthday parties with hilarious consequences ie. a hangover.
22 May 2003
Despite enormous amounts of confusion on route to Koh Tao - attempting to board the correct one of many ferries with scant information - I made it to the small island off Thailand's east coast without major drama. After scouting around the main 'drag', Sairee beach, for a while, I settled on a diving operator and commenced my SCUBA course.
At the pier I had met up with Dutch bird Lonneke from Arnhem. Since I was getting free accommodation I offered to put her up in my bungalow. Again, this sounded to good to be true and it was. Cutting a long story short, she had had some kind of trauma with a dive instructor elsewhere on the island and was determined to confront him. However, I interpreted this incorrectly and realised her game when she returned one day at 6.45 am. She threw herself out of my house before I had to.
In retrospect, though safety was never compromised, the dive shop was a little bit of a Fawlty Towers operation. On day one the generator and batteries packed up so we had to watch the training video back at the manager's house. It didn't help that the first tape found itself caught in the spokes of a motorbike and we had to return to get another. The next day, I myself contributed to the disorder, losing my (disposable) contact lenses the moment I entered the sea. At first I was afraid, I was petrified; the whole underwater thing was a bit much for me and I gave up, but resolved to try again later.
At the pier I had met up with Dutch bird Lonneke from Arnhem. Since I was getting free accommodation I offered to put her up in my bungalow. Again, this sounded to good to be true and it was. Cutting a long story short, she had had some kind of trauma with a dive instructor elsewhere on the island and was determined to confront him. However, I interpreted this incorrectly and realised her game when she returned one day at 6.45 am. She threw herself out of my house before I had to.
In retrospect, though safety was never compromised, the dive shop was a little bit of a Fawlty Towers operation. On day one the generator and batteries packed up so we had to watch the training video back at the manager's house. It didn't help that the first tape found itself caught in the spokes of a motorbike and we had to return to get another. The next day, I myself contributed to the disorder, losing my (disposable) contact lenses the moment I entered the sea. At first I was afraid, I was petrified; the whole underwater thing was a bit much for me and I gave up, but resolved to try again later.
18 May 2003
OK - this is the bit I didn't put in the e-mail I sent to my parents. The entire point of going to Ko Phangan was for a bit of an Ibiza experience at the infamous full moon party. I'm not going into details but a jolly time was had by all. I will mention that I fell off my scooter ten yards outside the hotel (incurring a slight graze to my elbow), went swimming fully clothed (three times), carried my Danish friend's drunk girlfriend to a Swedish girl's bungalow (vomit everywhere) and some other stuff.
14 May 2003
Back to Bangkok, then to Lopburi for more ancient temples etc. and more monkeys, infinite numbers of which reside in one of the old buildings. Also, in a moment of conciseness journalistic integrity, visited Thailand's largest AIDS hospice and uncovered some disturbing stuff (corruption, obviously) that Time magazine hadn't reported in their coverage a few years ago. Will have to figure out how to handle it when I get back, if at all. (To read the Sunday Herald article CLICK HERE)
Returning to the capital by third class train - three hours standing room only for 45p - 'too short a journey to sell a seat for you.' Then onto Surat Thani by sleeper, and a ferry to Ko Phangan on the east coast. Here I stay in a guesthouse with several other Brits and a very energetic landlady for a bit of R&R.
Returning to the capital by third class train - three hours standing room only for 45p - 'too short a journey to sell a seat for you.' Then onto Surat Thani by sleeper, and a ferry to Ko Phangan on the east coast. Here I stay in a guesthouse with several other Brits and a very energetic landlady for a bit of R&R.
09 May 2003
En route to Thailand via Cambodia's only asphalted road, I stopped off at Sihanoukville, 'Home of Angkor Beer'. Again, not the greatest. A boat trip to the national park was washed out by torrential rain, and the drivers grounded the boat in the estuary. I actually had to get out and push and mistimed climbing back in the boat, thus getting more wet. After all this I saw no dolphins and ne'er e'en a monkey, though I did get bitten by ants and got a cockroach in my hair that night.
The minibus drive to the border itself was enjoyable for a while, complete with a tape of techno remixes of 1980s classics, until we came across another vehicle coming in the other direction that had some minor damage. The drivers swapped and it was soon apparent how the damage had occurred - the second driver was unaware that potholes must be manoeuvred around and not through. He even managed to break off the entire headlight while leaving a small river ferry.
The minibus drive to the border itself was enjoyable for a while, complete with a tape of techno remixes of 1980s classics, until we came across another vehicle coming in the other direction that had some minor damage. The drivers swapped and it was soon apparent how the damage had occurred - the second driver was unaware that potholes must be manoeuvred around and not through. He even managed to break off the entire headlight while leaving a small river ferry.
07 May 2003
Taking things chronologically, and apologies if you're reading this first thing Monday morning. Phnom Penh, Cambodia. A few miles outside the town are the killing fields themselves, now just a few pits where the mass graves were excavated and a large monument. The place was overrun by begging children. 'Pleeese, mon-eeeee....' In the town itself is S-21, a former school in the 1960s secondary modern style of architecture, that was converted in a processing centre for the condemned. Seeing these made me want to leave Cambodia fairly fast - though the sight of hundreds of bats skimming over the lake at dusk made up for it a little.
05 May 2003
During my remaining time in Saigon, I didn't do too much, partly due to the heat and hangovers and partly due to the inevitable national holidays on 30 April and 1 May - though I failed to discover any particular festivals. On 2 May, however, I ended up at the country's largest Cao Dai temple - something I hadn't really researched. The religion is a bizarre mixture of Confucianism, Bhuddism and Catholicism (evidence of Vietnam's many invaders and influences). Victor Hugo is revered as a saint. The centrepiece of the temple was a globe daubed with a picture of an eye in a triangle - quite Masonic. At noon the worshippers (some with Masonic hats too) trooped in and proceeded to bow and chant with a background of eerie gong chimes. Excuse my extreme prejudice but it was a bit weird for me.
Next was the infamous Cu Chi tunnels. I can proudly state that I was the only westerner in the group to crawl through the full 100m of public tunnels despite having been unable to squeeze through another foxhole opening that all the Vietnamese slipped down with impunity. Besides the tunnels and recreated rooms themselves, one can also see some demonstrations of the VC booby traps - sick making to think of stepping on any of these for real.
Rounding off all the history and culture with a cooling visit to the Saigon water park with some English girls I had met. Charlie may not surf, but his water slides were pretty smart. Then took a two-day trip up the Mekong Delta. Maybe I should never have gotten off the boat but am now in Phnom Penh, Cambodia planning the next stage of the journey. To avoid ending on a depressing note, I'll save my descriptions for later.
The Horror, the Horror, and other references.
Next was the infamous Cu Chi tunnels. I can proudly state that I was the only westerner in the group to crawl through the full 100m of public tunnels despite having been unable to squeeze through another foxhole opening that all the Vietnamese slipped down with impunity. Besides the tunnels and recreated rooms themselves, one can also see some demonstrations of the VC booby traps - sick making to think of stepping on any of these for real.
Rounding off all the history and culture with a cooling visit to the Saigon water park with some English girls I had met. Charlie may not surf, but his water slides were pretty smart. Then took a two-day trip up the Mekong Delta. Maybe I should never have gotten off the boat but am now in Phnom Penh, Cambodia planning the next stage of the journey. To avoid ending on a depressing note, I'll save my descriptions for later.
The Horror, the Horror, and other references.
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