OED adj. confused (someone) so that that they have lost their bearings.
n. Inept escapades of a dropout English journo trapped in the Far East. An eighteen-month evasion from reality.

30 August 2003

Who did not turn up to receive me. Eventually a graduate student showed at the hotel reception and I was bundled in a car and taken to my quarters - pretty damn big with a kitchen and bathroom but felt I was intruding on the cockroach who had been residing there before me. I'm sure we could be great mates but I might kill it instead. Still no contact from my boss so went in search of fellow westerners, finding a mere three Americans here so far. Did a bit of proactive stuff today and got my washing-machine-flood sorted and found out that I don't start classes till next Monday. Phew.
Posted by: Sendover / 14:09

29 August 2003

Friday, more of the same and off to a fine restaurant beneath the Olympic stadium for the farewell dinner before being thrown to the wolves. Thus particularly disappointed to discover an earwig in my brown sticky rice and beef. Downing of drinks, singing etc. and got out of karaoke bar at 4.00am in tip top condition to meet my future employers.
Posted by: Sendover / 14:08

28 August 2003

Must have got a dodgy bit of meat the night before since today I went down with the Shanghai S***s. Spent the evening at Shanghai's famous but not all that nice Peking Duck restaurant. Incident with the pasta which was not pasta but a cold raw duck's foot. Bit of a night cruise down the river then back to the hotel just in time to pick up the third call from the massage parlour who were getting quite direct ("Sir, are you in need of a girl.")
Posted by: Sendover / 14:07

27 August 2003

Spent next day R&Ring around nearby town of Suzhou, though the garden of peace and tranquillity there was tempered by the Chinese tour group ahead of us with the megaphone. Marvelled at the amazing life cycle of the silk worm at Silk Factory No.1 then watched bored girls killing and unwrapping the silkworms and more bored girls on a catwalk wearing them. Off to a barbeque restaurant then a downtown nitespot. Entertained by Chinese girl wrapping herself around my roommate. After he bought her a vodka she collapsed outside and threw up.
Posted by: Sendover / 14:06

26 August 2003

Oh seven hundred am and the phone rings, not for a wake up but a 'marketing' call for a massage parlour. More lectures then excursion to Jin Mao tower which the display correctly pointed out to be taller than the World Trade Centre. Clearly needed updating. Also visited Shanghai museum but there are only so many Qian dynasty era coins you can see before they all look the same. Because they are. Out to a vegetarian restaurant jolly nice apart from constant whinging from northern lass on my right ("eeh, can't eat meat, smoke or drink ere, I want a MacDonalds.") She enjoyed it eventually. Then off to circus, considerably slicker than in Hanoi since no-one nearly died. Highlights included bint on an 8ft unicycle catching pots on her head and four motorbikes in the terrifying globe of death.
Posted by: Sendover / 14:04

25 August 2003

The next day commenced the orientation programme: Mandarin lessons, lectures etc. broken up by sightseeing around Shanghai. About 35deg and pretty damn humid, exacerbated by 48hrs without sleep. Felt that time was slowing down. Monday evening - excursion to Dai 'traditional' (tacky tourist) restaurant. Each table of 10 was brought enough food for 25. Felt sick but kept on eating. Just. one. more. mouthful. Lots of traditional dancing etc. including one quite butch filly with a big chest and tattoos. We debated her sexuality. Audience participation, oh how jolly, lets throw water everywhere, it's traditional. The party demands that all foreign experts will have fun while they are here! Great. Finally got out of there and popped out to buy a can of coke. Ended up in karaoke bar till 1.30am, nice one.
Posted by: Sendover / 14:03

24 August 2003

Arrived Shanghai Pudong airport on Sunday morning. Scenes of confusion and procrastination ensued as expected but was safely delivered to hotel. Embarrassingly was wondering around in my boxers when the bellhop (in his paramilitary uniform) dropped off my roommate for the week. Quite a scare, thought I was going to get shot. Ventured out to find money and food and after much confusion and procrastination found both. Reception for the teachers on my programme, but most too knackered and tackled it halfheartedly. Was chuffed to find that there are some teachers who've never been abroad, don't like foreign food and can't use chopsticks. I fear for them and moreover for their students.
Posted by: Sendover / 14:02

23 August 2003

So here I am. Shanghai, People's Republic of China. Nearly didn't get here at all after incident at Heathrow when the check in desk asked to see my contract of employment, cue unpacking of my overweight luggage.

Meeting up with a few other participants on my programme at Schipol airport, I boarded for the ten hour flight. Unable to sleep so occupied myself with trying to be nice to stewardess eg. picking up ice for her when she dropped it all over the floor. Unfortunately when I tried to get extra drinks the blonde Dutch stewardess I had been buttering up wasn't around so I settled for water. Watched 'The Recruit' and 'Finding Nemo'. Both required great suspension of disbelief.
Posted by: Sendover / 14:01

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