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Syndicate DisOrientated
OED adj. confused (someone) so that that they have lost their bearings.
n. Inept escapades of a dropout English journo trapped in the Far East. An eighteen-month evasion from reality.
31 December 2003
New Year's Eve 2003
Too many people.
Too many people driving to the Bund to watch fireworks, thus turning a 20 minute cab ride into a 60 minute gridlock nightmare. Too many people standing around the centre of town, cramming the streets so that movement was impossible. Eventually arrived at the nightclub at 11.40, thanks to a detour involving walking round in circles through a department store. Too many people in the club itself, making getting served something of a hit-and-miss business. Not to mention Windows, venue number two in Maoming Lu, where even breathing was impaired due to the crush.
Then, what did I expect? Buddhist monks in silent prayer? Kind of asked for it really, I suppose.
Too many people driving to the Bund to watch fireworks, thus turning a 20 minute cab ride into a 60 minute gridlock nightmare. Too many people standing around the centre of town, cramming the streets so that movement was impossible. Eventually arrived at the nightclub at 11.40, thanks to a detour involving walking round in circles through a department store. Too many people in the club itself, making getting served something of a hit-and-miss business. Not to mention Windows, venue number two in Maoming Lu, where even breathing was impaired due to the crush.
Then, what did I expect? Buddhist monks in silent prayer? Kind of asked for it really, I suppose.
30 December 2003
Nuffink to Blog About
Because I have quarantined myself in my pit for the last three days suffering from a heavy cold.
This has, however, given me the chance to finish off this year's marking. Have no idea if there is any rhyme or reason in my grading system but everyone has got about a B. They can like or lump it.
Also began my crack at immortality by commencing the proofreading of an English textbook. This was the upshot of some mysterious text messaging on Xmas day. A Professor Zhou at prestigious Shanghai Jiaotong University required a native speaker to correct his manual. For a certain amount of money which I shall not disclose, it's worth putting off travelling for a week. Just remains to be seen a) whether he will follow through with it and b) how I will get my paws on the wonga.
This has, however, given me the chance to finish off this year's marking. Have no idea if there is any rhyme or reason in my grading system but everyone has got about a B. They can like or lump it.
Also began my crack at immortality by commencing the proofreading of an English textbook. This was the upshot of some mysterious text messaging on Xmas day. A Professor Zhou at prestigious Shanghai Jiaotong University required a native speaker to correct his manual. For a certain amount of money which I shall not disclose, it's worth putting off travelling for a week. Just remains to be seen a) whether he will follow through with it and b) how I will get my paws on the wonga.
28 December 2003
How the Other Half Lives
Following an abortive afternoon lunch in town, it was off to Hongqiao for the long-awaited curry night.
We knew that the place would pull no punches when we drew up at the main gate. Le Chateau, it said emblazoned in gold lettering. And it certainly was.
American Beauty had reign over the house for a week, dogsitting for her friend who was back in the US for Christmas. You could see why she jumped at the chance. All the things the English-teacher-style expat can only dream of. Cleanliness. Heating. Working utilities. Cupboards stuffed to bursting with imported goods.
In fact, the palpable taste of wealth manifested itself most visibly in the decorations. Every free space in the house was used for some kind of non-tacky Christmas ornamentation. It was the most festive house I've ever seen. You can see a limited amount in the illustration (left).
Despite this, still had problems sorting out the curry due to lack of adequate pan capacity but muddled through and did quite well considering. We were also treated to a display of traditional Indian dance as only a Romanian knows how. Settling down for more humiliation at Trivial Pursuits, my stomach ached with the consumption.
Put me in opulent surroundings like the Intercontinental or this expat palace and I can't help myself. Perhaps I just want to believe that I could be living this kind of life - so utterly removed from the average Chinese and even the average westerner in this unequal land.
We knew that the place would pull no punches when we drew up at the main gate. Le Chateau, it said emblazoned in gold lettering. And it certainly was.
American Beauty had reign over the house for a week, dogsitting for her friend who was back in the US for Christmas. You could see why she jumped at the chance. All the things the English-teacher-style expat can only dream of. Cleanliness. Heating. Working utilities. Cupboards stuffed to bursting with imported goods.
In fact, the palpable taste of wealth manifested itself most visibly in the decorations. Every free space in the house was used for some kind of non-tacky Christmas ornamentation. It was the most festive house I've ever seen. You can see a limited amount in the illustration (left).Despite this, still had problems sorting out the curry due to lack of adequate pan capacity but muddled through and did quite well considering. We were also treated to a display of traditional Indian dance as only a Romanian knows how. Settling down for more humiliation at Trivial Pursuits, my stomach ached with the consumption.
Put me in opulent surroundings like the Intercontinental or this expat palace and I can't help myself. Perhaps I just want to believe that I could be living this kind of life - so utterly removed from the average Chinese and even the average westerner in this unequal land.
26 December 2003
Boxing Day
Straight back to work, sitting through another 40 tedious assessment talks about unoriginal topics, though a couple of students shone with perspectives on the one chiled policy.
Off to the spice shop with Simona, only to find it closed. Begging bowl trip round to the partner restaurant and the shutters flew up in no time. I now have enough spice to launch another man into space (work that one out).
Evening spent attempting to play 'Pop Culture Trivial Pursuits' only to find that being an American is a distinct advantage to answering US-centric questions.
Off to the spice shop with Simona, only to find it closed. Begging bowl trip round to the partner restaurant and the shutters flew up in no time. I now have enough spice to launch another man into space (work that one out).
Evening spent attempting to play 'Pop Culture Trivial Pursuits' only to find that being an American is a distinct advantage to answering US-centric questions.
25 December 2003
Christmas in Shanghai
...in many other ways, just like any other day. Just don't miss it at all. In fact, took the opportunity to get some work done on Living in China.
In the afternoon, made an effort: conference call to my family at The Barnhouse in Cumbria; helped out preparing a token Christmas dinner (two Chinese chickens impersonating the turkey); viewed and strangely enjoyed The Sound of Music on DVD; listened to the Queen's Christmas message on streaming radio.
For my first Christmas away from home, not a bad one. But I reiterate - I don't miss it. The pressure to buy and receive presents, tedious village services, travelling by train in the peak periods. The one thing that is just the same is the relentless commercialisation of the event. In China, despite being an oficially atheist country, you can't move for cheap plastic Christmas trees, Santa hats and all the other trimmings. A country on the make seems to embrace this aspect of Christmas like nothing else.
In the afternoon, made an effort: conference call to my family at The Barnhouse in Cumbria; helped out preparing a token Christmas dinner (two Chinese chickens impersonating the turkey); viewed and strangely enjoyed The Sound of Music on DVD; listened to the Queen's Christmas message on streaming radio.
For my first Christmas away from home, not a bad one. But I reiterate - I don't miss it. The pressure to buy and receive presents, tedious village services, travelling by train in the peak periods. The one thing that is just the same is the relentless commercialisation of the event. In China, despite being an oficially atheist country, you can't move for cheap plastic Christmas trees, Santa hats and all the other trimmings. A country on the make seems to embrace this aspect of Christmas like nothing else.
24 December 2003
Five Star
Jenny has some fantastic guanxi. For example, my Christmas Eve was not spent shivering at home watching re-runs of CCTV9's Dialogue with 'a real Swedish Santa Claus' and some Holiday Inn hotel manager who was some kind of Christmas expert. No, I was dining at the lavish Pudong Intercontinental Hotel. All for the price of a box of Belgian chocolate starfish.
I had never heard of a 'seafood Christmas' function before, but am not one to look a 688 RMB (US$80) gift horse in the mouth. There was more than ample opportunity to overindulge; smoked salmon, oysters, roast potatoes, brussel sprouts and a range of Chinese food for the mainly Chinese (well, all but me) guests.
Wine didn't flow as much as I might have liked and the food was a little cold by the time we got there, but who cares? Highlight was getting the last scrap of Christmas pudding and mince pie. That's a major coup considering.
Entertainment was also a bit varied, ranging from a girl band with a scratchy CD to a magiciam who didn't really seem to do much magic. When the pink-gowned lady came on to squawk out some folk-style stuff Jenny and I took the opportunity to take a walk around the complex, and gazed down on the party from the vertiginous 24th floor. Next act, the string trio, wasn't so bad.
Atmosphere was a little more subdued than I expected, but it was explained to me that the Chinese aren't really night people and moreover had to go to work tomorrow. Plus, much of the evening was committed to rapturous attention for the raffle, which had some pretty damn fine prizes. A ticket at our table walked off with the fourth prize hamper, which looked like a smart move.
Such was my first trip to Pudong and first occasion without any other westerners around, not really a big issue. Jenny raised concerns as I walked her home that I would get lost, but few places have felt safer. I did have to think hard about how to get back, but maybe I'm as clever as I look.
I had never heard of a 'seafood Christmas' function before, but am not one to look a 688 RMB (US$80) gift horse in the mouth. There was more than ample opportunity to overindulge; smoked salmon, oysters, roast potatoes, brussel sprouts and a range of Chinese food for the mainly Chinese (well, all but me) guests.Wine didn't flow as much as I might have liked and the food was a little cold by the time we got there, but who cares? Highlight was getting the last scrap of Christmas pudding and mince pie. That's a major coup considering.
Entertainment was also a bit varied, ranging from a girl band with a scratchy CD to a magiciam who didn't really seem to do much magic. When the pink-gowned lady came on to squawk out some folk-style stuff Jenny and I took the opportunity to take a walk around the complex, and gazed down on the party from the vertiginous 24th floor. Next act, the string trio, wasn't so bad.
Atmosphere was a little more subdued than I expected, but it was explained to me that the Chinese aren't really night people and moreover had to go to work tomorrow. Plus, much of the evening was committed to rapturous attention for the raffle, which had some pretty damn fine prizes. A ticket at our table walked off with the fourth prize hamper, which looked like a smart move.
Such was my first trip to Pudong and first occasion without any other westerners around, not really a big issue. Jenny raised concerns as I walked her home that I would get lost, but few places have felt safer. I did have to think hard about how to get back, but maybe I'm as clever as I look.
23 December 2003
Asiavision Song Contest
"The more they tried to make it feel like home, the further away it seemed." Capt. Willard, Apocalypse Now.
In true SHUFE style, hours before it was due to start we were intsructed to go and attend the students' special Christmas concert. We duly did, knowing exactly what to expect.
It was execrable.
For a start, since when has a Christmas goodie bag contained (alongside the oranges and Santa hat) a Big Mac meal? With Coke? And why was there an encore of the nu-metal version of Wham's 'Last Christmas I Gave You my Heart'? Just so the pretty boy-band-wannabe could bust his throat again shrieking into the microphone like a moggie swimming in a barrel of battery acid?
The general principle was that each nation represented among the foreign students had to do a performance of some sort. Kind of like an Asiavision song contest but without the acerbically witty terry Wogan voiceover. I shall not go on, but this included enough tedious national songs - sung with pride but not talent - to last a lifetime.
So I'll stick to the highlights, such as the unreasonably fit Turkish girl - who somehow I have never seen before - proving that a buff body does not mean a silky voice. The Korean in her slinky Chinese split dress who for all the world appeared to be doing a striptease. The moment when I laughed out loud during the murder of Clapton's 'Tears in Heaven' at its otherwise most poignant juncture.
There were some decent performances, such as from the Asian Missie Elliot lookalike, the diametric opposite of the Turk. And the finale, an admittedly impressive boy band routine by three young chaps who evidently spent far too much time practising South Central-stylee hip hop and breakdancing.
It was entertaining for the wrong reasons, and I was glad to get out since my ears were beginning to throb.
China - nul points.
Malaysia - nul points.
Thailand - nul points.
Japan - nul points.
Korea - nul points.
Pakistan - nul points (went well over the time limit, otherwise not bad).
Congo - one point (for Frank's funky moves).
France - nul points.
Turkey - two points (for being sexy).
Russia - nul points.
In true SHUFE style, hours before it was due to start we were intsructed to go and attend the students' special Christmas concert. We duly did, knowing exactly what to expect.
It was execrable.
For a start, since when has a Christmas goodie bag contained (alongside the oranges and Santa hat) a Big Mac meal? With Coke? And why was there an encore of the nu-metal version of Wham's 'Last Christmas I Gave You my Heart'? Just so the pretty boy-band-wannabe could bust his throat again shrieking into the microphone like a moggie swimming in a barrel of battery acid?
The general principle was that each nation represented among the foreign students had to do a performance of some sort. Kind of like an Asiavision song contest but without the acerbically witty terry Wogan voiceover. I shall not go on, but this included enough tedious national songs - sung with pride but not talent - to last a lifetime.
So I'll stick to the highlights, such as the unreasonably fit Turkish girl - who somehow I have never seen before - proving that a buff body does not mean a silky voice. The Korean in her slinky Chinese split dress who for all the world appeared to be doing a striptease. The moment when I laughed out loud during the murder of Clapton's 'Tears in Heaven' at its otherwise most poignant juncture.
There were some decent performances, such as from the Asian Missie Elliot lookalike, the diametric opposite of the Turk. And the finale, an admittedly impressive boy band routine by three young chaps who evidently spent far too much time practising South Central-stylee hip hop and breakdancing.
It was entertaining for the wrong reasons, and I was glad to get out since my ears were beginning to throb.
China - nul points.
Malaysia - nul points.
Thailand - nul points.
Japan - nul points.
Korea - nul points.
Pakistan - nul points (went well over the time limit, otherwise not bad).
Congo - one point (for Frank's funky moves).
France - nul points.
Turkey - two points (for being sexy).
Russia - nul points.
22 December 2003
Complications
An enjoyable lunch laid on by the department, though did have to scoot early and face cheeky Lenny's (right) talk on the changing nature of Chinese womanhood with an achingly full stomach. Plus yi ping pijiu. Yikes. Hope my teachers never did my exams in that condition when I was a lad.Then had to do some counselling for lovelorn student. Still not sure if I said the right things but she seemed to feel better for talking about it. Managed to completely forget the purpose of my Newspaper Reading class (ie. to finish off the oral presentation coursework) and was left with six nervous students raring to go after I wound up the lesson. Must demand better competence from myself next semester. Sen: tries hard but could do better.
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